When online friends aren’t really friends

I logged onto my priest today to find I didn’t have a guild and a lovely letter in the post from the GM saying that some raider in that guild had an issue with me and to avoid dramas in his roster he’d removed me from the guild.. and here’s the kicker –  my priest was only  in that guild because that was where all my ‘friends’ from Deadline went after it disbanded and I took my alt there so I could keep in contact.

As they were the only contact I had with that guild, I’m left assuming that one of my friends wasn’t really a friend and had such an issue with me they couldn’t stand seeing my priest log on even infrequently as she did.  That leaves a really sick feeling in my stomach and I’m left wondering exactly what I did that was so horrible that someone has been upset enough to go the guild GM and said me having an alt in their guild is so shit they can’t’ continue in that guild unless my alt is removed.. that’s all I can assume giving the comment about avoiding roster drama. It wasn’t even like I did content with them anyway, she was a freaking alt I had there to keep a semblance of contact with people I had thought were friends and it makes me feel sick that one of them had such an issue with me and I didn’t know.

So you know, I’ve filled this blog with posts about what I get up to with ‘friends’ in the game, and I’ve always been happy that I can fairly easily feel at home with other people really quickly, maybe I’ve been wrong all this time and perhaps I should just start to act like random people on WoW aren’t friends.

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13 thoughts on “When online friends aren’t really friends

  1. I find that guildmates are much like teammates on a recreational sports team. You mostly try to get along and enjoy each other’s company while pursuing your shared goal together. However, many that you enjoy spending time with will fall out of touch if you change guilds (like if you change rec sports teams).

    And of those that you stay in touch with even if you change guilds, many more will fall out of contact with you if you stopped playing WoW altogether (like your sporting buddies might fall out of touch if you stop playing their sport). Just as in life outside of games, you will have many more colleagues/teammates than long-term acquaintances, and many more acquaintances than good friends.

  2. I really like Raphael’s response, I think it is accurate of most online relationships. They seem closer sometimes that IRL relationships but they seem to lack the elasticity at times.

    It’s hard to know what was going on with the GM and the situation, but you have the things you need to know to make a healthy choice and get a good perspective on it:
    – The GM is a very poor leader that did not champion fairness, respect for all or connection amongst the roster they used as a shield. That’s poor form and you’re better off outside of his petri-dish of influence.
    – The person who was threatened enough to create this micro drama is a pretty shoddy character and those people typically make more drama – lucky for for this GM since they must thrive on it! The person will keep manipulating the GMs favour to feel less insecure about themselves by doing more of the same – so everyone is going to reap what they sow over there.
    = I always try to think in these situations if this is my tribe and are they worth my energy – if the others would solid peeps who care about you, they won’t stand by and let it happen and if they do they aren’t real friends either so you’ll be ahead of the game not keeping in touch.

    It’s a shock to be treated callously, but there are good people out there – don’t let shitty people change you. I hope you find you balance and show them they can’t knock you off your stride, even though one of them was hoping it would, don’t give them that pleasure. I hope your alt finds a better place to land. ❤

    • Thanks Chilli, I instantly took my priest to my main’s guild. I don’t think it’s worth my energy to be upset over this, if my friends in there are friends it won’t matter what guild we’re in and if not, well so be it.
      You’re right about being treated like that is a shock, mainly because I would have thought if someone didn’t like me so much, that they would have at least said something to my face, not be cowardly and pull something like that.

  3. I can imagine your feelings of betrayal. Even though they’re not real life “friends” you’ve still spent real life time with them doing the same things, enjoying the time together, and then this comes out of the blue. I do agree with Chilli – that GM was not a good GM. If someone had come to me and said they had a problem with someone else – my first solution would not be to kick anyone out of the guild. I would speak to the other party involved, try to get the two together if needed to avoid chinese whispers, and work out what was at the bottom of the “problem”.

    I would suggest that if you truly have/had some friends in that guild, they will notice you’re no longer in the guild – find out you’ve been removed (the logs usually say “kicked” or “removed from” rather than “left”) and will contact you to find out what happened. If they don’t, then they’re not friends.

    Alternatively, there is of course the possibility that what the GM said wasn’t right, or you’re just assuming it was one of your friends. Perhaps there is another raider in the guild, who isn’t a friend, who perhaps came from a guild where they didn’t allow alts? Perhaps the GM decided that because you only logged in occasionally, you should be removed, but didn’t want to confess as much?

    You have two choices really .. dwell on it and try to get to the bottom of it (but be prepared to be really pissed off for a while), or shrug it off, shrug all of them off, and just concentrate on your main guild. Hopefully you will be contacted by one or two of those you consider friends in that guild, supporting you.

    • I did end up speaking to the GM later today, and he told me who the person who was ‘uncomfortable’ with me in the guild. They did come across to that guild from Deadline but weren’t someone I really considered a friend as they were a newer member to Deadline and outside of raids and a few mythic dgns I had no interaction with them whatsoever.
      So while it makes me feel better it wasn’t a friend with the issue, it leaves me even more confused why someone that doesn’t know me and who I don’t know would have an issue with me.
      I’ll leave it be, my priest has a new home in my main’s guild and I’ll keep in touch through random dgns or whatnot with my friends from the old guild though I wish the GM would have taken the steps you talked about.

      • Indeed.

        Quite frankly if I were the GM, I’d be more concerned about the “uncomfortable” person who still remains. I suppose it depends on the type of guild, but as GM of a casual raiding guild, I’d take those who get along with others over those who perhaps make more noise, regardless of abilities and performance in group activities, any day of the week. Anything for a quiet life :p

        Anyway .. glad you’ve got it sorted, and I’m glad it wasn’t one of your friends who was the culprit.

    • It really does, which is quite frustrating because I feel I should leave emotions at the door when it’s a game and not real life, but that doesn’t always happen. And someone being mean and horrible out of the blue for no real apparent gain, is going to suck no matter when or where it occurs.

  4. To a lot of raiders a guild is just about raiding and anyone that leaves is a traitor that shouldn’t be allowed to keep characters in guild. It’s too bad because the amount of time we spend with a lot of these people it’s more than we spend with IRL friends. Thankfully battletag (are they going to change that to BlizzarTag?) is all you really need to keep in touch with actual friends from past guilds anymore. I remember back in Vanilla/TBC we had custom chat channels for guilds that had fallen apart to stay in touch with the people that were friends. Still if I log onto my old bank char on staghelm I autojoin two custom chat channels for two separate guilds. No one is in them anymore, but it’s a nice reminder.

    • Oh cain I love the idea for custom channels for a group. Tbh I’ve only used them for healer channels so never thought about other potentials.
      And yep btag/blizzchat (hehe) is the best feature, I don’t need a physical guild to stay in touch 🙂

  5. I don’t think I can count how many names have come and gone in the guild. However. I can count on one hand the times I have removed someone, other than needing to make room and clearing Alts not logged on for 6 months or more. One person that was being very rude in guild chat who told me to F off when I whispered them to tone it down. A quick mention in Officer chat about what he had just said to me had all the officers wanting to be the one to kick him. When I did, it was all, I am so sorry, didn’t know you were the GM. It shouldn’t matter. A recent one that had been in the guild for 5 years, had been away for a time we thought, but had logged in over a few days to clear out over 2000 Starlite Rose and a lot of other things. I immediately dropped them to a no access rank. All they did was log in the next day, said LOL in chat, then logged out. 3 others were members for a time, but were taking things off the General tabs and selling in the AH. When I asked, it’s just junk, what’s it to you.

    I would never remove someone’s Alt from the guild without first discussing the matter with them. I cannot imagine what a wonderful person such as yourself could have done.

  6. I had the exact same thing happen to me once when my guild disbanded and most of the team went to a guild on another server. I had already server transferred and was all ready to join as a social and just enjoy the game with my friends when the GM rejected my app and indicated that someone in the guild had a problem with me joining. I never did find out who it was, but I moved on and joined another friend’s guild and actually ended up with higher progression than those who rejected me, so sometimes, things work out for the best. Just be glad you didn’t move Z there!

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