I’ve learnt a big lesson in the last five weeks about what’s it’s like if you’re just in a guild that doesn’t suit. In the past month I’ve gone from a mental space where I loved healing and logging on to heal with my guildies to hating my my druid, hating myself and hating my healing in a really short space of time. And the most ridiculous part is that I pretty much did all that to myself without much outside input.
I really wasn’t enjoying my time healing in the new guild. A week into my trial the healing lead had a quick whispered conversation that he felt my numbers were a bit low and that they’d be watching them when we moved off farm and into progression again. Instead of taking a deep breath and remembering that they were an established team on farm and the fights were still prog for me, I started hyper focusing on numbers and self-doubt and wow did I get miserable fast.
Once we started heroic not much really got better, our split runs had me healing with 5-6 healers for around 27 people. Which was just pure overhealing hell and I would be staring at full health bars wondering where the hell to put my hots because it was just just pure overheal. There were some really strange decisions made too, like on the last heroic kill of K’J we were happily 5 healing with no issues when all of a sudden the main spec feral druid went resto, and we 6 healed the boss for 25 people. I still don’t know what prompted that decision but we went from slightly overhealing to full overhealling. I was just really glad my healng still stayed above the other druid’s even with so many of us.
Nothing was said to me outside of that one conversation, but I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough. The guild itself didn’t feel that friendly either but let’s be honest here for a second, I don’t think I helped the situation, the second I felt like I wasn’t good enough I shut down and didn’t want to approach anyone in the guild because in mind they were just thinking of me as that weaker healer. No one else really made any effort to get to know me or say hi or anything so I felt completely out of my depth.
We started mythics and nothing was said about their intentions with me, though I figured it wouldn’t be great. Apparently the officers had already mentioned to Dec and Fitme (also from misanth) that they would pass their trial but they weren’t sure about me. This probably should have been a conversation they had directly with me, but wasn’t. So I sat the first 3 bosses on the first 2 nights and then as they started on Sisters, I got an invite as they were going to 5 heal it. I really wasn’t prepared for the fight, I hadn’t looked at it as I figured I wasn’t being brought in with this guild, so I was going in blind, which was pretty dumb of me but it was what it was. And that night was the last straw for me. All the healers were in one party so we could talk in party chat which was fantastic but the copuple of times I asked questions in party chat or put in my thoughts on the talents the healing lead wanted met to take… completely ignored.
As luck would have it, Cinder’s guild had just lost their resto druid right about when I started opening up to Cinder and letting her know just how much I was hating the way I was playing so she suggested I think about coming to them (eek another server transfer)and taking their druid’s spot. I really wavered for a bit because the main reason I came to Frostmourne was to go to a bigger realm where there were lots of guilds and Saurfang is a much smaller realm. But they needed a resto, I already knew friends there and I couldn’t really see a guild on Frostmourne that had desperate need of a Resto and Cinder did. I spoke to Dec and he amazingly said he’d be coming with me if I went; he really patiently listened to me go back and forth about the good points and bad and just kept saying to do whatever I wanted. So, we went and joined Cinder and Neuro in their guild on Saurfang.
The guild seems quite nice and I like the people so far though the raid leading is quite a bit different to what I’m used to. There’s a lot more talking rather than just going and pulling on the bosses. Last night I think we had almost as long discussing pulls than we actually had doing pulls but the first night we cleared heroic and the first 2 mythic bosses and then last night we cleared the 3rd and started work on the 4th so it’s not a super slow pace which is awesome.
The healing team is actually really lovely and really chatty and Cinder keeps saying the healing lead is just awesome and patient and willing to go through logs with her whenever needed and from what I’ve seen so far he really is great. They added me instantly to all the healing channels on discord and in-game chat and there was heaps of communication there.
My healing figures are pretty much exactly the same as they were in the previous guild but this time I’m not lower than everyone else, all of us healers in this guild are fairly close in figures which is a much nicer feeling.
Just before the room with Sisters in it, there’s a place on the stairway where you can step sideways and fall through the floor. You fall for a really long way before you finally die. It’s really gorgeous looking around at all the stars and you pass a couple of the spacehips on the way. Dec and I managed to get Cinder to stand in just the right spot and she got to go on a trip! I jumped in after her so she wasn’t space travelling alone and took some photos on the way.
I’m incredibly lucky I have a friend like Cinder who knows what’s it like to manage to spiral yourself into a black well of self-doubt and Dec who listened and told me to go do whatever I needed and he’d tag along. Thanks guys.